Honest

When reading a book, or indeed, choosing one, I always think to myself ‘what could I learn from this one?’ Or ‘How would this book change me or my way of thinking?’ That’s part of what I love about books, fiction or non-fiction they always unfailingly take you on a journey of some sort. Upon judging a book by the cover, I thought that I would be taking on a journey of girls in society and how they are made to be what society wants them to be before breaking away and being what they want them to be. I wasn't entirely wrong...

‘How To Build A Girl' – Caitlin Moran

I didn't buy this book on first opportunity, nor did I put it on my 'to buy list.' I simply took a photo to think about it, then a few weeks later a good friend of mine recommended it. Whilst I could easily put it down and struggled to stay entirely focused on the words that were attempting to fly off the page and intrigue me further, after the last 100 pages I could not ignore the messages being portrayed and my trail of thought for this blog post completely changed after my first impressions. 

It follows the life of a 14 year old girl in the lower class society of England in the nineties, a time when music was becoming more popular, class structure was becoming a talked about subject and girls could attempt to be who they wanted to be on the surface, but yet, there was still something holding them back. ‘I want to write like a man’ Caitlin quoted in the book. This book reaps feminism ideals in the early critical stages of the effects of day to day life for women, and I admired that aspect of the book.

This teenage girl went on a journey to build herself as ‘Dolly Wilde’ rather than ’Johanna’ and that in itself I disagreed with, in my current world where girls are increasingly told to simple be themselves, this book shows the discovery of how a girl finally realises after being battered, bruised and banished away from a patriarchal world that's it's better and healthier for her to accept and embrace herself a she is. Especially as the men (apart from her trusted brother, father and one rare genuine man) belittled her and used her for her ingenious 'Fake it til you make it' persona. 

A scene that particularly caught my attention, and I won’t give too many spoilers, was how she dealt with a situation of being told by the guy she doted over that she was a bit on the side by that very guys’ currently ‘on-off’ girlfriend. I desperately wanted her to stand up for herself as she was torn between sticking up for herself or going through with a threesome with the 'other-girl' and this guy that clearly showed his preferences! Johanna’s character has such liveliness and an ability to open her eyes to see what’s in front of her, whilst making mistakes she takes the journey with both hands firm and she makes it her own and builds from those mistakes.

I particularly loved Moran’s writing, whilst some parts were rather descriptive sexually; her style and getting across certain messages were impeccable. P142;

‘I am getting incredibly high on a single, astounding fact: that it’s always sunny above the clouds. Always. That every day on Earth – every day I ever had – was, secretly, sunny, after all. However shitty and rainy it is in Wolverhampton – in the days where clouds feel low, like a lid, and the swarf bubbles and the gutters churn to digest – it’s always been sunny up here.’

I suppose that that is a good way to look at life. No matter what is going on or where you are in life, sunny in the sky or not; the sun is somewhere, there is a bright light shining through somewhere, you simply have to find it, hope for it and hold onto it. The same way my Christian belief is that god is somewhere, you can’t see him or feel him every day but you know that he is there watching over you knowing where the day is going to go and the clouds will pass over eventually.

However, past the morals and opening the world up to the reality of self-harm, dark and dismal places of life, how to find yourself and admitting to the fact that mistakes will always inevitably be made along the way and indeed emitting the audience into the weird and wonderful world of a teenage girl's mind, one of the final statements on the first page of chapter 24 truly gripped me as it was far too rateable and honest for me not to notice;

‘They do not tell you this when you are fourteen, because the people who would tell you – your parents – are the very ones who build the thing you’re so dissatisfied with. They made you how they want you. They made you how they need you. They build you with all they know, and love – and so they can’t see what you’re not: all the gaps you feel leave you vulnerable. All the new possibilities only imagined by your generation and non-existent to theirs. They have done their best, with the technology they had to hand, at the time – but now it’s up to you, small, brave future, to do your best, with what you have.’

I suppose that could be read in many different ways for different people and interpretations are drawn. Mine was that our parents can teach you all they know but you will at some point have to break away and trust what you know and stick to it, trust in yourself and your judgement too; it’s ok for you to be wrong…it is also OK for them to be wrong. Make life how you want it, build yourself how you want to be and don’t worry what people think. You’re you own person at the end of the day and society is not qualified to judge whether you actually fit in or not.

‘Those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.’