Good Afternoon,
Or should I say good evening? It's twilight, my favourite time of the day as the skies start to turn from the gorgeous blue swirling into pinks and purples as the day draws to a close.
Lately, I've been feeling rather reflective; of past memories, of people who have come and gone, of books that I have read that have changed me. In a way, all things we encounter change us, even just slightly. People, or things, alter the way we think to bring about new meanings, morals, and drives to live our lives a certain way.
For a long time I lived my life in fear of the future, completely apprehensive for what was to come. I feared losing people, I wandered about those that I would meet and how they would impact my life. I of course fretted over money, and jobs, and relationships, yet I tried to remain content. I found solitude in books, and then when University got in the way, my solitude came in throwing myself into my work, to realise I was washing myself down the drain emotionally and could not sustain friendships and relationships and was pushing those close to me, away.
I do regret throwing myself in as much as I did, and now I am in my fourth year of my degree, finally on the home stretch to becoming a teacher, I am learning (too late) that it is in fact people whom you should find solitude in and not the workload. Whilst immersing yourself in what you do is fulfilling, and can help you become a success, it's not at all what life is about. Ironically, now that my workload is building tremendously, it's true what they say that a teacher's work is never complete, I am finding that I step away a lot more. I designate time to work, and for the most part, I do stick to it. I also stick to the time I designate to friends and to family. To taking a moment to sit and be still and not let the world pass me by. I am an avid lover of coffee, and reading books among the buzz of business as people rush off with their takeaway cup in hand, or settle nearby for a good natter with friends. I find it wonderful to be still and watch as people pass me by, in and out of the doors without taking in their surroundings. It's wonderfully freeing to be still in those moments, or indeed to be completely lost in a story as is recently the case.
Adam Kay's 'This is going to hurt' was a tremendous story that was so endearingly written, yet it so tactfully exposed the harsh working conditions for those in our NHS who daily fight for people's lives. For the workers who don't get nearly enough recognition that they deserve, given the weird and wonderful and terrifying things they encounter daily. I was speaking to my mum about our roles of being community carers, and how it drastically effected our mental health being around elderly and vulnerable people. It's difficult to even put into words the nature of the job and how fulfilling it can be having made a difference to people's lives, yet, some instances there is only so much you can do and that is such a heavy burden to bear. As a carer, you merely experience a small dose of the burden that the NHS workers heroically encounter and deal with daily which Adam Kay presents perfectly in his novel.
It's incredible to me made more aware of your surroundings and the society you are in just by flicking through a book. I have found, that in each book I read, I see a part of myself in the story and the characters, and somehow am forced to reflect on the person I am becoming, and the person I have already become. This is sometimes a good thing, other times not so much. None of us are perfect people, we can only strive to be the best version of ourselves. Some say you may work too hard, others, not enough. Some say you are too introvert, others, you're too out there you need to reign it in a little. You don't exercise enough, eat healthy enough, do enough fun activities, see friends enough, see family enough, text enough. There is always something you can be doing better, or more of.
In actuality, your priority is doing enough of what makes you happy, and what makes you a good person. My job requires a lot of my time and mental energy, it is without a doubt building my intelligence in ways I never thought I was capable of achieving, but it does not define me. My family, they do not define me, but I always make the effort to see them as often as I can, no matter how chaotic my life becomes. A simple phone call on a Wednesday evening after a trying day is all it takes to lift their spirits and yours. Signing up for a tough mudder with my sister is all it took to remind me that I need to work to live, not live to work. Life is so much more than clocking up hours at your place of work for a pay check that allows you to simply exist at work. That pay check should be character building with trips to the beaches, and trying out new restaurants, picking new books to explore and making memories with those you love. Obviously, only so much as the paycheck allows, you must live within your means, but life is so much more than the job you are striving to get. Life is about the people you surround yourself with, the memories you make, and your willingness to adapt to new surroundings and constantly striving to be the best version of yourself you can be.
There may be rocky roads and tumbles along the way, but at the end of the day, as the sky turns from blue to pink and mixes with the deepest of red. All that exists is love, after all. When the sun sets, and as it rises, it's people that should matter most. Hold close your loved ones, always.
On that note, I'm off to call my Nan. Whilst that was a large ramble, it felt good to clear my brain of some of the fog and clarify my thoughts.
Blogging, (writing for zero audience) I missed you.
Until next time ...
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